My dear friend Shauna said it took more than a month to find her voice.
For me, it's taking much longer.
And since I was under the influence of some fabulous food bloggers, originally, I started to head down that path. Yes, I've got backdoor access to some fabulous professional kitchens. And I like to cook. But that's not the sum total of my parts.
When I write, the culmination of me comes along for the ride. And I am so much more than the food hobby that's recently taken over my life. So, dear reader, if you came here to read about food blogging, I'm sorry. That's just one aspect of my life, which is shrinking as we speak. (Don't fret. I'm not giving it up...just exploring other interests as well...art, literature, music, travel, etc.)
Of course people evolve.
Perhaps that explains why I'm unable to make a definitive statement about myself. Just as soon as I become comfortable with one label, I'm off exploring something completely unrelated. While others note their lives in chapters, mine is a series of vignettes. Beautiful, short, and oh-so-fleeting...
I think about Picasso.
As an artist, he evolved with such distinct styles...that his career is marked in circa form. "And here we have the blue period, then the rose period, followed by the cubist period (a pioneering art style, radical during its time, now highly distinct and identifiable)....next is the war period..."
I'm more like Picasso than Degas.
Do you know Degas? For a career that spans over 50 years, he is known as the "Painter of Dancers" and more specifically, ballet dancers. Of course he dabbled in other things, but over his lifetime, dancers figure prominently (over 1,500 completed pieces).
I'm so NOT like Degas. I have no singular focus.
Recently I was reading this manifesto on "How to Be Creative." It's a fabulous read...highly recommended. The takeaway for me was: don't follow the crowd. In fact, if you want to be creative, ignore the crowd. Develop your own style.
A Picasso always looks like a Picasso....and no other.
This is true.
No matter what style his work manifests, it always looks like a Picasso.
So here and now, I'm giving myself permission to carve out my own story.
To be sure, it's a lengthy work in progress.
I wish I liked outlines more...and could give you an insight where I'm going, but the truth is, I have no idea.
I've got one eye on those folks who live deeply entrenched with a plan and a knowing order to their lives.
That's not me.
While perception makes me think...it must be a relief...to have a plan...and live an ordered route on the roadmap of life. But I think that's a wish from my festering, restless soul. Some days, my soul just needs some quiet time. Unforgiving, my incessant thoughts roll on, without relief.
The truth is, no matter how much I admire those folks with a need for order, most of the time...I find them BORING AS HELL!
Auntie Mame and I have more in common.
In the movie, she reaches her head back and shouts, "I want to live, live, LIVE!"
I know what she means. As much as I wrestle with living an ordinary life, I must concede....I'm in step with a different drummer.
In sum, I'm on a life long journey of exploration.
That's all I can say.
The fragmented pieces of my life may never land me a book deal, but every day, I'm stretching in an attempt to live the best life I know how.
As luck would have it, in spite of a lack of labels, that life has become something truly extraordinary.
And it's getting better every day.
Those who know me well, have heard more than once: "When I'm old and grey, sitting around telling tales to anyone who will listen...I want to have the BEST stories!" It's true. That's my quest.
This chapter in my evolution will be known as: The Seattle Period. It's been hedonistically rich with experiences...and I am drunk with gratitude. No doubt.
If I were a tree, you'd see...this period has been marked by explosive growth. It is the time where my limbs stretched towards the heavens. My roots are digging deep into the ground, searching for new sources of nutrients...while simultaneously providing an anchor to weather the storms.
Perhaps one day, someone will want to climb among the branches...or even build a tree house, but for now, all of the energy is being concentrated....
...for she is about to bloom, again.
